Timeline

I wonder what it was about that moment. Why I couldn't help myself from calling him. I saw my fingers wrap themselves around the cordless, caressing the black handle in anticipation, starring at the number plate. I knew those digits so well. They were etched in my mind from calling him all those times. I tried forgetting them but how could I, so I let my fingers belt out the medley they knew so well. Every number I punched made my heart beat faster and when it started to ring I was sure I was going to faint in anticipation.
For the longest time it just rang...I waited holding my breath, I waited to hear his voice but he never picked up.

My mood was somber and the anxiety never quite left me. There was a restless energy that was consuming me. I couldn’t quite contain my self. So I started pacing around the room, went and got myself a glass of water, sat down and switched on the TV. After surfing the Internet and lighting candles that smelt like vanilla ice cream , I played with my hair and looked at the phone again. I knew I shouldn’t have done it but I did it anyway. My finger pressed the redial button and I shut my eyes not knowing what would happen next.

It rang again. 2 rings....3 rings...a 4th and just as I was about to hang up, a Hello interrupted my thoughts. He said it again because I couldn’t. Flummoxed by my own reaction, waiting for the words to come out of my gaping mouth I heard another Hello this time it was a questionable one. A timid ‘Hi’ came from my end. ‘Hey who is this?’ ...I was a little offended. Almost saddened. He knew my voice so well and then here we were being strangers to each other. However I had called him and I did have a responsibility towards saying what I had called to say... Happy Birthday! Thank you he said, he sounded surprised but you still haven’t told me who this is… “Is he saying this on purpose? I wondered”. “Its me - I silently screamed. How could you forget?” But instead I answered with my name. There was silence on the other end. Followed by a cold- Oh hi. “ How are you I asked?” I’m good he replied, Busy with work. You know the usual. *Awkward silence*.
“So what you doing today birthday boy?” Not a lot- Going out with some friends. He made his life sound so mundane, it wasn’t like that back then. He told me a little more about work. I listened patiently and wondered when he would stop talking about random things and start with what was really on our minds. Or at the very least on mine. He paused. You there? I wasn’t there. I wish I were though. I wanted to be with him. I wanted him to ask me why we couldn’t be together. Instead we exchanged pleasantries, cracked awkward jokes and had a sterile conversation that eventually ended on a solemn note of goodbye.

How had our realities become so different? I questioned time, asked it how we had gone from friends to lovers to estranged souls and why today there was nothing even left to define us.

A slow montage of images flashed before me. Those unforgettable 4 months and what was now left of them. For a whole minute my gaze laid fixated on my computer screen. The song he had written for me starred back. I looked away towards the window on my right. Starring into the abyss I contemplated my next move. When my thoughts returned I knew what I had to do and so I made the call. This time the hello I heard was pleasant and familiar, he recognized my voice instantly and it felt good to talk to him. Minutes later I knew all would be okay. I blew out the candles around me and sat in the dark somehow peaceful knowing that a chocolate strudel was on its way. I smiled to myself and just like that the wait began all over again.